When I was your age...

“I became an adult at 22: Why can't you?” Nelle Engoron’s piece in Salon.com asked.

The column, an excerpt from her blog, comes on the heels of the New York Times’ piece on twentysomethings a few days ago.  Hers is not the only response to the piece, but she got at something different than most responses.  Engoron asserts that twentysomethings today are actively choosing not to become adults, and instead rely on Mom and Dad for our “personal computers, cellphones, DVRs, [and] Frappuccinos.”

A pretty unpleasant picture of a bunch of whiners, no?

First, I am a twentysomething looking at moving in with her parents.  Does it bruise my ego a bit?  Sure. Does it make financial sense, at this point, to do so?  Absolutely.  Living with my parents for a short time gives me the ability to seek out a gratifying job that will be able to pay for food and shelter.

When I was starting college, my father made it clear that I was to return home as a last resort.  It’s not that my parents wouldn’t take me in if I was desperate, but it was the move of absolute last resort.  A few years later, I watched, stomach sinking, as the economy crumbled, and I wondered how this would affect my post-college plans.  Would I still be able to get a job?  Would I get into grad school?  Around that time, my father lost his job.  After months spent on job applications, he called and offered me a place to stay after graduation.

It’s hard to ignore that it’s often those who are in a stable financial situation who are making the argument that today’s twentysomethings are emotionally needy underachievers.  After establishing themselves, these critics are complaining about not a real person, but a stereotype: the wealthy, lazy young person.  When comparing their experiences to the stereotype, baby boomers can’t help but lament how things just aren’t the same anymore.

The “back in my day” argument isn’t just unproductive: it is irrelevant.  Millenials have, without a doubt, seen their share of problems.  My generation grew up with 9/11, two wars, an economic crisis, a declining job market, Hurricane Katrina, and the dotcom bust—just to name a few.  What about the devaluation of the B.A.? And the price of college?   The B.A. is the new high school diploma, and, with blazing speed, tuition costs have outpaced inflation to become a crushing debt for many students.  We’re living in a very different economic environment, and while I believe we should learn from the past, we have to learn when that the past  no longer applies.

Furthermore, there’s the issue of post-college and summer employment—two things that have changed dramatically since 1960s.  College-educated young people are expected to beef up their resumes by taking an internship, and most internships simply do not pay.  A few generations ago, there were significantly fewer college students seeking out unpaid jobs.  Those entering the white-collar world took low-paying jobs and worked their way up the corporate ladder.  I understand that receiving a high-paying job upon receiving a B.A. is unrealistic, but so is the expectation that the internship component of work experience has not changed. In an inherently classist system, we are expected to work, for no pay, and somehow make ends meet.  Interning leads to a better job later, but less financial stability.  I don’t know many interns who haven’t had a brush with the “near-poverty living conditions and deferred gratification of our material wants” that Engoron refers to.

We’re also culturally different.  We knew about Facebook before you did, and know that it’s not meant for jobs, it’s meant to keep in touch.  We understand information organization in an entirely different way—we helped turn “Google” into a verb and can understand why Wikipedia works.  We get married later, and are more accepting of gay marriage.  And these aren’t bad things.  We’re just, well, different. 

One comment, written by Rosenkavalier, best gets at the issue at hand.  In a way, becoming Engoron’s version of “adult” is a privilege.  We worked hard—presumably just like Engoron—graduated, and in return, we have a bleak outlook on the job market.  Our options are seriously limited, and we’re faulted all too often for our lack of political participation, reliance on our parents, tech savvy, or some other vague accusation.

I do believe that many students are not actively seeking minimum-wage jobs—but it’s not because they are spoiled brats, as they are often painted to be.  We grew up with parents and teachers telling us that more education meant more pay, so a college graduate trying for a job that is also offered to a high-school dropout doesn’t make sense. 

But on the other side, there’s the exponentially higher cost of living.  Flip through the classifieds (or Craigslist if you’ve already sworn off print) and you’ll see that apartments are not cheap.  A minimum-wage job would not cover the rent.  Additionally, many companies don’t want to hire overqualified applicants.  These companies know that their new hires will vanish as soon as better opportunities arise.  And, on the other hand, those with more education and experience are taking jobs they wouldn’t ordinarily take—jobs usually taken by twentysomethings.   

Finally, I cannot believe that simply writing us off as privileged ne’er-do-wells is in any way productive. If there is an endemic problem, fix it.  The discourse around privileged college kids living off their parents’ dime is an argument against a stereotype, and therefore unrealistic.  This argument is simply a repackaged iteration of the “back in the day” discourse.

So we are at a crossroads.  We can take the Engoron route, and continue to wildly reminisce and shout about experiences.  We can talk about how we slogged to school uphill, both ways, sometimes in the snow.  Or, we can sit down and figure out how to help twentysomethings lead healthy, productive lives.

As much as I regret moving back in with my parents, even for a few weeks, I realize it’s a reality.  The job market is bad, and living at home allows me to save some money and not incur more debt as I continue to search for a job.  Sometimes allowing parents to help for a short time, instead of taking on more debt, is the smarter choice.  Years before he lost his job, my dad found me outside, trying to walk uphill home from school in a blizzard.